South America:
As some of you might know, I was going to attend a missions trip this August. I keep thinking about Columbia and the missions trip; I still have my heart with the mission I so strongly felt God had called me to do. My heart is a bit torn, I had never felt more called to do this trip than anything else in my life, but I am not going. I am not there; not that I'm trying to avoid or misinterpret my thoughts and feelings. Trust me, this sucks! I questioned my purpose for going though. I do believe I should be doing something but maybe this just isn't the time and place? What ever it is, this has taught me that even if your plan looks absolutely flawless, things change. You have to grow, overcome and move on. Right now at this very moment, I though I would be standing in Columbia. For whatever reason that I'm not and instead sitting here writing this blog. Maybe someone reading this will benefit?? Not sure what to think....just puzzled. I felt a bit like GOD was just playing with my emotions (which i'll talk more about in a later blog). I was falling into a depression, feeling lost, not knowing if I was hearing god or making things up in my head. Call me crazy, but I thought I was certain and for a moment I felt like I had meaning, like I mattered. Then it all seemed to fall apart. I did learn a few things out of this but it's still hard to admit and acknowledge my flaws and fears.
